August 2011
15 posts
So this just happened
My mother (drunk): PUSSSSSAY!
Me: Don’t say that.
Mom: It’s French!
Me: Yeah, for vagina.
NaSkeWriMo!
Hey y’all, September is less than a week away, and that means it’s time for national sketch writing month! The plan: write a sketch every day of September. Short, long, good or bad, just get it done.
I can’t recommend it highly enough. Doing naskewrimo last year helped me work out my own comedic identity (pretentious!), my understanding of writing concepts (helpful!), and gave...
Predicting Yoko Ono's Next Twenty Tweets
1) Go to the beach. Try to silence the ocean.
2) The next time you go on vacation, record the silence of your apartment, then play it back during your next party.
3) Spend a week where all your light only comes from fire.
4) Free the words from your books: read them aloud, then cross them off as you read.
5) Wear a leash and collar and let your dog walk you.
6) Clean your cleaning...
I only just realized
That in that Christmas song, the one that goes, “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus/underneath the mistletoe last night,” Santa Claus is supposed to be the kid’s father dressed up. Which makes the line “What a treat it would have been/if daddy had only seen/momma kissing Santa Claus last night” quite a bit more charming.
I have, for the past fifteen years of my short...
5 tags
Playing kids in improv
I’ve been writing a lot of opinion pieces lately, instead of comedy. I don’t apologize. But I will put a “read more” tab so as not to bug you if you don’t care.
That said, hello! I wanted to talk about playing kids in improvised scenes.
People get weird when they play kids in improv. They get on their knees, talk in squeaky voices, and start saying stupid shit. This...
6 tags
Being funny
Not that this matters, what with the world going to shit, but I am sick to death of hearing people call each other funny for the things they post online.
Being funny and having taste are extremely different. Most people have taste. Most people worth talking to, at least. But not all that many people are funny. Most people repost/reblog/rehash, just ‘re’ things. A few people actually...
6 tags
An open threat to beer
You whippoorwill call of madness,
You bitter bitch—
you intoxicating slush two parts dizzy and one part disaster:
I’ve had enough.
You’re some kind of enchantment
thrumming and warming like a campfire and song
dulling like Novocaine
tingling like far off bells
distracting like a flashing light,
go to hell. Piss off.
You thieve and thrive off weaker souls
your beautiful...
5 tags
Looks like it's time for my UNASKED FOR OPINION...
Hey everyone, I’m about to wrap up my DCM a little early, and I figured that means it’s time to open my big fat mouth and talk forever even though you were just trying to be nice when you asked me what I think about the marathon. I AM IMPOSING MYSELF!
So, two things came up often enough that they stuck with me. First of all, saying ‘fuck’ doesn’t suffice as an...
11 tags
Assumptions I make about Los Angeles
—There are no restaurants, only taco trucks.
—Everyone gets nightterrors about earthquakes.
—They only sell black-rimmed glasses.
—Everyone is doing cocaine.
—Most conversations start off like this: “I was doing lunch with Marcy—” “Marcy LeBrau, from Sony Pictures?” “No, Marcy Dominique, from MGM.” “Oh, love her....
Will Hines: Krompf Jokes →
williebhines:
This was my set for the Krompf show tonight. I did a real set but then I did this because this game’s fun, right? We’re all having fun here?
How many Krompfs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five. One Krompf to hold the light bulb and 4 Krompfs to turn the first Krompf around. Why did…
I had to leave before Will’s set last night. I am still devastated....
