Too soon, technology, too soon.
Also, why are you friends with my mom?
Me: Mizu-de arukeru yo!
PROF: You can walk on water? Just like a ninja!
Me: Or Jesus.
…that my aunt was following me around at a house party, and kept berating me for trying to get “j-do’s,” which was her name for blow jobs.
My subconscious is much funnier than I am.
—“Mom’s second mistake.”
—“Nice singular, unique identity, bro.”
—“Looks like someone lost Double Jeopardy.”
—“First one was a bust. Take two.”
—“Let me guess, your Halloween costume last year was The Shining.”