And that's when facebook suggested I become...
Too soon, technology, too soon. Also, why are you friends with my mom?
Just another culture clash in Japanese class
Me: Mizu-de arukeru yo! PROF: You can walk on water? Just like a ninja! Me: Or Jesus.
Last night I dreamed...
…that my aunt was following me around at a house party, and kept berating me for trying to get “j-do’s,” which was her name for blow jobs. My subconscious is much funnier than I am.
Insults for twins!
—“Sup, afterbirth?” —“Mom’s second mistake.” —“Nice singular, unique identity, bro.” —“Looks like someone lost Double Jeopardy.” —“First one was a bust. Take two.” —“Let me guess, your Halloween costume last year was The Shining.”
I legitimately feel horrible for making this joke,...