Last night we had noncomedians at the open mic (!!!), two blondes and their gay best friend, so it was hilarious for me to figure out that they were republicans as I bashed conservative opinions.
In this set, I whine about temping and the audience completely loses interest. So then I tell some whale jokes! (and a couple of old bits)
using y=mx+b to find the slope of dat ass
That would only work if your ass is flat!
Stay in school kids! Then you too can make lame retorts to uninformed math jokes.
my facebook right now:
- quidditch IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE EXCITE
- comments on something from 2008 did facebook exist then
- self deprecating humor about me, my love for pizza, and how i sometimes get drunk and kiss like everyone
so what i’m saying is, if you get me drunk at world cup i will kiss your face and i don’t know you might be into that some people are
also, happy birthday loserbeam
Hey, so I don’t want to make a big deal about this (just kidding yes I do) but it’s my birthday.
And like not to brag (I’m bragging) but porn4smartgirls liked this post soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Dichotomy is an important technique in comedic writing and performance. The level balance of opposites and the well timed turn between them are often fodder for laughter.
It is sometimes best to pair dichotomy with an observation of similarity. For example, in the above picture, neither of these men are wearing underwear.
The open mic yesterday was on April Fool’s Day, so our SUPER HILARIOUS GAG was that we all did an impression of another comedian before we did our sets. I did Sean Preston, who is hilarious and has a twitter. If it sounds like I’m getting laughs for nothing, it’s cause I’m either knocking something over or taking my shirt off, both classic Preston moves.
I improvised my set, which was fun. I think it’s funny that the closer I used, which was written, went totally flat. Audience was not about eating black people, which I get.
And I actually did host the rest of the open mic! It was super fun! You should all book me for your shows forever!
mememasterofficialofficial was expertcosmotips can we all go to bed now
Instead of posting my usual 5 minutes, HERE’S MY OPENING SET FROM LAST NIGHT! Bonus points, you get to see my face! (I definitely have to not wear clothes this baggy on stage again though, I look like lumpy space princess wtf.)
It’s kind of NSFW so play it for your boss.
Thanks to the LawnBoys for having me and Puck’s for letting me talk about buttholes in a restaurant!
My set tonight was a lot of fun! I’ll post a video tomorrow but for now here’s some Garfield.
I usually post my set every Wednesday, but instead I thought I’d post this. These are all my crib notes for the past 2 and a half months, during which I’ve written a new set every week. Tomorrow I’m telling some of my favorites as I open the monthly show at Puck’s. Come if you’re a cool kid.
If you want to check out my previous sets, loserbeam.tumblr.com/tagged/stand-up
My dad was in the audience last night, so I told my very best dad jokes. (At the end I cut the recording off as Ben (host) told me my dad was an older, cooler version of me.)
*points at your butt* are you gonna eat that?
I forgot to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, but I missed it because I passed out at 7 last night drunk off my ass after a family function, which I think is the most Irish thing I could do.
alchemist-rising asked: sen3.14
….Ainsley you perfect being
I’m posting this in public so other people can revel in it
"dinner is ready"
lorde has some good songs i get happy when they come on while im at work
ew I just sneezed on my dick