- Wash hands before handling any and all food items.
- Remember: MEOM (Make Exactly One Mistake)
- Don’t touch hot things!
- The CIDER is for the CUSTOMERS
- There are no beds in this house! And there never will be.
- An apple a day is too many apples. Limit yourself.
- Do not attempt to wax yourself with the stickers.
- God damn it, Greg.
- You can make cider out of anything. Swear to god bro, you wouldn’t believe it. Raspberries, I fuck you not.
- Hairnets, people, hairnets!!
- Big smiles. Jazz hands. Safety.
- Whose keys are these?
- If you’re back here making cider, who’s driving this thing?!?!
- To be honest I’m not really sure if there is a god, you know?
- Well I’m majoring in sociology and right now I’m working at this cider company, but my long time goal is to work with kids. They’re really our future.
- Okay but who hasn’t had gay thoughts about david duchovney
- I could eat
- If it stinks, it drinks.
and, if you can’t get toasted pearl Couscous handpicked and blessed by a Moroccan shaman on the first tuesday of the winter harvest for your Sautéed Escarole then store bought is fine
Couscous is not a grain, you plebeians.
Moving to New York has been a total inversion in my luck and life, in a funny way. Back in PA, I had no job, no one to date, nowhere to go and no way to get there. But I had great mics full of friendly people and the food was cheap.
So far I’ve gotten 2 interviews, made a guy buy me a drink, walked so much my knees hurt. But the mics are intimidating and (sometimes) expensive, and I just paid $10 for a sandwich.
Mostly I just wanted to complain about the sandwich.
It’s cheese, not gold.
Adulthood ; like it’s 2014
Actual last set at Puck :(
I got to play around with a heckler, which is a rare treat. I was wearing a goofy fancy jacket, thus the tron joke.
If you want a chance to win FREE PIZZA please help me move in on Friday I love you
Attractive people need to stop immediately. Seriously, I have things to do.
Let’s play basketball, shirts versus dicks
-the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been told (via look-up-the-number)
Okay but for some reason my brain thought, “What if this was a homeless person talking to a spider?”
Oops I didn’t actually leave Puck yet.
Also I really need a hair cut.
Here’s the actual story of how I found Puck’s open mic…and then like 4 minutes of me explaining the rules. Whoops, sorry.
15 Word Problems
This is my last official set at Puck’s :(
Ben took a mic cord and made a noose after this.
DEF JAM ANIME
This is exactly what it sounds like.
Straight people are seriously so exhausting.
Spanish is a beautiful language. You don’t say “I love you” in Spanish, you say “yo quiero comer culo” which translates to “you are...
last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so...
kidzbop is gonna be like “my anaconda don’t want none unless u like fun, hun!!”
"oh my gosh. look at her heart!"
it’s not a phase mom it’s an era